Why Can't I Get a Second Date

10 Reasons You Can’t Get a Second Date

Why You Have a Hard Time Snagging That Second Date

Before I met my current partner, I went on a lot of dates. A lot. I’m talking probably too many dates. I was trying to fill the void my ex left in my heart by trying to replace him with anything that would talk. But I found myself not wanting to go on a second date with many of the guys I went out with. I felt bad, because many of them seemed nice, but there was always something that I just couldn’t get past in each date.

Here, I have compiled a list, based both on my own experience and on research, why you might have a hard time getting a second date as a 20-something year old male. Stick around!

I Can’t Get A Second Date – What Did I Do Wrong?

  1. You showed up late – Whether it is to pick your date up, or to meet them at an agreed upon location, showing up late on a first date is just a bad impression. On one date, a guy showed up 40 minutes late and we wound up missing most of the ice skating time slot we were supposed to use. He also got a ticket because he was parked in a metered spot and didn’t think he would get a ticket if he didn’t pay. Showing up on time is a super easy way to say “I’m interested, and I am responsible.”
  2. You looked sloppy – Maybe your date is somewhere casual, like a coffee shop, or a pizza place, or mini-golf – regardless of the location, you should try to at least look put together. Basketball shorts and a t-shirt, or sweats, or yoga pants, while having messy hair and an overall unkempt appearance will not do you any favors. I’ve been on so many dates where I dress up and do my hair and my makeup, then pick my cutest outfit just for a guy to show up in his lacrosse pinnie and a backwards snap-back – just doesn’t cut it. Dress to impress!
  3. Your car wasn’t clean – If your car had garbage on the floor, receipts strewn about, or smelled like cigarette smoke or something pungent, you probably aren’t getting a second date. Taking the time to air out your car and give it a half-decent cleaning is basically the minimum that anyone could ask before you pick them up, let alone a date. If you wouldn’t bring a date back to a dirty, messy, smelly room, then don’t have them get into a dirty, messy, smelly car. Your car is a reflection of you, and you should take pride in it.
  4. You did far more talking than listening – This one is a very big problem. A lot of dates I have been on consisted of guys talking about themselves, and due to me being a good conversationalist, I would ask more about their lives (so perhaps I can be partially at fault here). But they would rarely stop and ask me about myself, or my life, or what I was into. Remember, everyone likes to talk about themselves, but it doesn’t make for good conversation to go on and on and on. That, my friends, is what a blog is for 😉
  5. You didn’t bring your wallet – This one goes for both girls and guys. Pro-tip – always bring your own money. I am a proponent of paying for myself on first dates, and it is okay to have your date paid for by one party. What is not okay, however, is assuming that party will pay for you and not bringing your wallet along. One of my worst dates involved meeting a guy and for a day date and then he told me he had no wallet. He then proceeded to take me to places where we could get food and snacks, all on my dime. He didn’t forget his wallet, he just told me he didn’t want to bring it. No bueno.
  6.  Your confidence comes across more like arrogance – Confidence is great! In fact, I wrote an article recently about 7 ways to boost your confidence. However, an issue a lot of people face is being so overly confident that it becomes cockiness, which is not so cool. Remember, the best way to showcase confidence is through being humble!
  7. You believe in “Negging” – I hate to give this “philosophy of dating” any attention, but negging is probably the worst thing you can do on a date, bar anything illegal. Telling a girl she’s the second prettiest girl you’ve been on a date with this month is not going to make her like you, but it is going to make her tell her friends you are a douche. Please avoid negging at all costs – and if you are just a douche, you should try to work on that.
  8. You forced a move on your date – If your date seems uncomfortable with kissing or hugging at the end of the date, please do not force a move on them. It doesn’t always mean they aren’t interested in a second date, but forcing a move on them will definitely kill your chances. I’ve been on dates with guys where I made it clear that I was not interested in kissing them goodnight, yet them forced themselves on me. They did not get a second date, and I will always remember them with a bad taste in my mouth. Thank you Curtis, Will, Mike, and Zach – I hope you’ve all worked on that.
  9. You seemed overly interested – Okay, this one is a bit nit-picky, but please understand that people like an air of mystery and a bit of a challenge. If you are being overly complimentary, extremely chivalrous, or just gawking over your date, it can be a huge turn off. Play it cool. Even if you do manage a second date, understand that putting a person on a pedestal will only end in disappointment for both parties later on.
  10. You were rude – This one should go without saying, but sometimes people are rude without realizing it. Maybe you kept interrupting your date, or you cut them off while they were walking, or you didn’t consider them before making a unilateral decision. If none of the above were issues you see in yourself, consider focusing on yourself. If you think you may have subconsciously been inhibiting rude behaviors, then work on fixing those before going on your next date. Neither you nor your date will regret it.

What are some of your dating horror stories? What are your tips on getting a second date? Please let us know in the comments below!

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